Making the Satanic Choice
Sometimes the Harder Path Is Better
My TST Congregation (The Satanic Temple Washington) posts a Question of the Day every day in our Discord server. The latest was this: "Name a time you were at a crossroads for a choice. Did it work out? In hindsight did you wish you had chosen differently?"
I consider this a very Satanic question. Part of the Satanic path is exercising the freedom to choose as you see fit in all things, wielding your will, your wisdom, and your best understanding of the outcomes to decide on one option or another. This is the opposite of living under the oppressive absolutist dictates of a high-control religion, where your choices are minimized in order to keep you on the narrow path your religious leaders or traditions say you must be on. In thinking about this question, I found myself delving into my Satanic past and the choice that has transformed my life this past decade.
My moment of choice came in 2014. I had a friend living with me, and she had taken over my erotic massage business and was paying our rent out of the goodness of her heart, after I had offered a place to live when her attempt to move to and live in India fell apart. She had no where else to go, and I offered her our large, oddly-shaped closet under the stairs (our apartment complex was weird); she was exceedingly grateful. I suffer from debilitating chronic pain, and each massage put me through hell, whereas she was still young and able-bodied. It was a kindness that gave me the chance to pursue a couple of life-changing activities.
I had seen the rise of TST in 2013 and become a member via the website (I was a LaVeyan Satanist with a book on the way at the time, so I was super psyched about finding a better type of Satanism). I cheered TST on in all their battles to defend religious pluralism and church state separation, from distributing the adorable Kids' Activity Book alongside bibles in Florida schools to the launch of the campaign to place an 8-foot-tall bronze statue of Baphomet next to a Ten Commandments monument on the grounds of the Oklahoma Capitol.
Then in the spring of 2014, they announced they would be using the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, the basis of the terrible SCOTUS "Hobby Lobby" decision, to actually fight FOR abortion rights. I was so proud to be a Satanist that day; I started wearing my Baphomet pendant openly instead of hiding it under my shirt. I wanted to help any way I could. It was very early on in TST's existence, and there were only a handful of Chapters (what we used to call Congregations). On the TST website, I submitted a contact form asking if there was a Seattle Chapter. To my surprise, I got back the answer that no, there was not, but I could apply to start one.
So I did. It involved a written application, an interview with Jex Blackmore who was running the Chapter program at the time, and some training. I was so incredibly excited when they accepted me! I had been in search of Satanic community since becoming a Satanist in 2011, but everywhere I looked, local LaVeyan communities had sputtered and died. To have the opportunity to build that community myself in my home town, with the values of TST, was a dream come true. So I enthusiastically accepted and prepared to hold our first public info meeting.
Two weeks before that meeting, however, my friend announced she was moving out to live with her new boyfriend. She would no longer be supporting us. Of course that was totally her right, and I was grateful for the help she had been able to give us. The year she spent with us giving me a breather from work had allowed me to file my Social Security and DSHS disability applications and start that long road (ten years later I'm still trying to convince SSA that I deserve aid, though I've made progress).
However, this meant that I would have to return to the job that ground me into the dirt every time with unbearable pain. How could I possibly start and run an entire Satanic community at the same time? It seemed impossible. I became incredibly dejected and depressed. I saw no way I would be able to do both these things when either one alone already exceeded my physical capacity.
But I had sworn an oath to my sacred path in 2011, and before me lay the opportunity of a lifetime. I couldn't set that down. So I committed to it despite having to return to work to scrabble for survival and a roof over our heads.
I managed to juggle both those things for four years. It was a ton of work to start and try to grow the chapter -- nobody really knew what TST was at the time. I reached out to every local atheist, secular, humanist and skeptic group I could find. I was rewarded by a steadily growing community that encompassed unique individuals who were all surprised as hell to find others like themselves. That heart that grew naturally in our chapter kept me going through the pain. I felt the hole where meaning and purpose should be finally filling inside me, and the sense that I was exactly where I belonged grew stronger. That kept me alive and inspired, and suddenly I had a community of friends who could help us when things really went south (our stove and the upstairs neighbors' sink faucet and water heater all broke and chapter members came and helped us fix them all, as our absentee landlord hadn't been heard from for two years at that point), as well sharing a brand new religious path threading the needle between reason and compassion.
I got denied for SSI the first time in 2018, then I had to immediately apply again to keep my state aid. However, at that point, the state granted me the housing aid that has kept me and my partner under a roof up till now, and I could finally quit the job that had been damaging my already-fucked back and putting me in unbearable pain every day. I still have chronic pain, but I no longer have to spend every waking moment hating life because of it. I am so thankful that I got the aid I needed as a disabled person, at least at the state level. I was able to help our chapter succeed as its leader for our first five years, and then I stepped down but remained accessible to provide knowledge as one of the "elders." I'm proud to say that we are the oldest continuously running Congregation within TST -- thanks to this amazing community and all its hard work.
I am so very, very grateful to have found my home, finally, among these outcasts, sinners and sharp-witted free spirits with caring hearts. That difficult choice in 2014 to take on what I knew would be a nearly unbearable pain load in order to both survive and pursue the sacred path that had suddenly opened up before me was absolutely the best decision I have ever made in my life. Has it been easy? No, not even fucking close. But the rewards of sticking with it and accepting the sacrifice have been inestimable. I now find myself part of a vibrant world-wide network of Satanists -- brave, funny, honest and willing to stand together against tyranny. My own state-wide congregation is my Satanic family. I didn't know it then, but my feet were pointed towards home when I made that fateful decision 11 years ago.
Satanic Grace Slick
Please help me to join these path